You will most certainly not be suprised

This is a long post, you may want to pour a stiff drink and find a cosy place to read it. Or not. It might be funny to some, but these are serious issues that occured. So there, you were warned...


I start with this quote: "I don't look for drama, drama finds me." It has been a dramatic week. I explain below.
 Okay, i'll start with the most recent happening. On fridays i always meet my friends for tea/coffee/alcohol/food and catch up with whats going on in our lives. Well, i don't have much of life when i'm in school so this is something i look forward to every week. So on friday i was meeting small p, m, emo & a new friend whom i will call tempest g. This is how he earned his name: 
I love Pasara for their tea and ambience. for ksh100 you will get fantastic tea! now tempest g liked their tea (we were there the previous week) so we met up there. Oh god what happened next i will NEVER forget! The waitress decided she's getting rude with us. We sat there for 10 minutes and we were in the process of making orders when emo decided he's removing my laptop to do lord knows what on it... Then she's like "you can't use laptops on this side because of blah blah blah and you've sat for 30 minutes without ordering." WHAT! listen to her! we've sat for 10 minutes then her and her bad mood decides we've sat there for 30 minutes? Emo's like "but we're making orders now and we've been here for 10 minutes." Tempest decides because he's doing law, he'll throw in his homodramatic ballads at her. (oh no...) Mind you i made my order for tea... then she starts being terribly rude! "you can't sit here with that thing without making orders!" HELLO YOU STUPID BITCH TWO OF US MADE ORDERS!!!!! We had made two orders already! I sat there in silence with small p whilst emo and tempest begun their papa dramas at her! Tempest told her "we are customers and we dont need you beng rude to us just because you're having your periods and pms-ing!" (bloody shit! shut up shut up shut up!!!!) 
silence...
Then she started, and the next table got involved as well, a woman and her friends. The womans like, "i cant be talked to like that!!! even if you're a waitress surely!" (small p and i have been silent this entire ordeal) Then tempest said "call the manager." Emo took my laptop and went to the other side saying "you know what, i don't need this, if she wants us to go to the other side, fine!!" then he goes. (why me lord?) Then the bitchy, stupid apathetic bovide called a waitress the waitress says i can't have tea on the other side. Emo has gone. tempest is waiting for the manager, i'm still in shock, small p looks like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Then the manager comes, and (relief please?) he's like "whats the problem?" then tempest starts saying how the waitress was rude etc etc, the waitress begins her hormonial ballads, the other table starts butting in.... all i wanted was tea not this!!! The manager apologizes for her behaviour, Tempest says sorry for insulting her, and im thinking "now can i get my tea?" We weren't served. See that restaurant is run by a family and the manager is the son of the owner who's an old guy i respect, but now emo comes by (after i'd called him asking whats not happening?) He came by, said he's leaving, gave me my laptop and said "the manager said if we're not ordering anything we ought to leave." and he left. WE ORDERED WHAT THE FUCK??? clearly we we weren't being served. We got up and left.
 So now i'm banned from my favourite joint!!! (i cannot go there for my image has been ruined with no thanks to tempest and emo) All a guy wanted was tea with his friends not confrontations with a waitress who had bitchy issues and friends who can't control their temperaments... I went home after we went to dormans. I cooked. Took my medicine and slept. Didn't even eat. I felt so humiliated after that ordeal... It didn't help that at dormans tempest was soooo ok with everything. HOW??? I still feel horrible that i tolerate friends with such attitudes, more so the fact that they blew up a situation that could have been avoided...
That, is how tempest earned his name. 

I will not tell you how At lunchtime that same day, another waitress bad mouthed me just because i go to a catholic institution (she asked where i go to school, told her). She also told small p to go on a diet. We were in shock...we were not rude, mean or anything! just nice customers. I think it just wasn't a day meant for dining.  


By the way, i haven't told my friends that they wont see me until December. Starting next weekend i'll be indoors reading for my semester finals. Those exams wont pass themselves.


>>>>Moving on to Saturday>>>>

I woke up and i was supposed to take my very eccentric, fun, great friend y shopping for a bag for her mum and herself. She'd been outta town for 4 months, 3 weeks and 6 days. (i count sue me.) So i was to take her to gikomba. I got to town at 9.30am, and quickly dashed to buy a manual organizer. (they still exist!) why would i spend money on one? My smartphone crashed (yet again, kwanza these days it hides my emails and sms messages, shame on it!) so i lost maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany contacts. I got fed up. I will manually write all my friend's details and keep that organizer safe. Its good to have a hard copy of something somewhere. ANYWAY i met up with her and emo (he didnt say sorry for his behaviour the previous day) and chatted for abit. Mind you Gikomba's prices will have sky rocketed by the time we get there (go in the morning at 8am or earlier even). Emo decided he's not coming (im not surprised) so it was y and i. You know what, lets call her eccentric! i'm phasing out the letter system and replacing them with odd but fitting terms. We went to gikomba talking talking talking! (I've really missed her!) We get there, go round, loooooooook and not find anything.


seriously.


That was the first time i went to a market and DIDN'T buy anything!!! Something is seriously wrong with me... i wan't feeling the place! the sun was shining for me but nope, nothing. Hakuna. zero. Nada. I didn't buy anything. We decided to go to Adams arcade, another market called toi (that is basically a roofless mall because middle class people found it, along with the chinese and tourists and expatriates which pushed up prices) and when we got there, we see traders running with their things (oh my goodness what did we walk into?) and promptly hear someone saying "ghai kanjo!" which means "oh my God the officers!". Yes, Nairobi city council were cracking down on hawkers and traders without a trading licence thingie and they were running! One blue Lorry packed with things and their sellers. Sad. The rest of the market was intact still. Yaey... We went inside and looked for a bag. Now something interesting happened, i found a burberry black label bag (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!) but wasn't sure it was real (shit!) and calls to people like fabulous s didn't yield. So i left it. (imagine). In that market i bought.....a book. Yes. Whilst eccentric was buying handbags i bought a yellow book thats an autobiography of a fat housewife. for 100 bob. What's wrong with me? I could have bought clothes but nothing appealed to me and i wasn't in the mood for shopping! Oh dear! We left. She had things and i had a book. 


We decided to walk to town. it was a good walk! It only took 40 minutes. Walking is a great way of seeing places... Especially with pleasant company! . In town i decided i'd buy shoes (which i what i was shopping for anyway) and i got decent, thorn crushing, mud tolerant weinbrenners. And i've seen other loafers which ill get later when funds come again. We had lunch at java (first proper meal since the previous day at lunchtime) then she had to go and i was left in town waiting for that bastard extravagant p who never came even after an hour of waiting, he's so full of chicken shit i even wonder how people stand him so i went home. That home of mine has been having mood swings of late, ghastly business... i hid in my room till dinner time.... ok it wasn't really hiding but i like to avoid people's moods because they unload it onto me. Which i dislike.



Where is person y? You'd think after i talked to him he'd change. No my sweethearts, he hasn't. We were meant to do lunch on friday, no confirmation. No text. No call. Nope, nothing. The text said his friend was in hospital. How sad. I wished the friend well. But SERIOUSLY YOU COULDN'T CALL OR TEXT TO TELL ME YOU'RE NOT COMING?? I wish he'd communicated. I sent a text earlier but it went...amiss. "We should link up before yesterday!!" was the last line in the text that came from him at 11pm. Really?  When i try so hard to make things work and then i get such treatment i tend to just want to screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam out loud!!! But i didn't. I did what my father tells me to do when people bother me: ignore them. I haven't brought myself to call or text back, and he hasn't even bothered to look for me. 


Judge me all you want but this is not what i was looking for. He's not the same anymore. I put up with his bullshit all this time, i've worried my arse off about him, i've consulted people about him, HECK, i even sacrifise precious time to be with him. But this? I'm lonely in this relationship. It would be rich if i left him. To date, only one person, my ex girlfriend (yes, i dated a girl in highschool thinking my sexuality would be straight, shock on me, i was even advising her about guys. She's bisexual now, living in Canada.) has ever dumped me. I do not have commitment issues. See, i'm the relationship kind but this kind of wonky relationships i dont do. One way input. Why am i trying to make this institution work? I like him alot (i seem to like bad boys why now?) but at the end of the day i'm the one that ends up suffering. I haven't yet decided what to do... I know it will kill him if i told him i'm leaving him. He'd go, drink himself silly, get ill, drunk dial me, insult me probably, and if he remembers, even drive to my home at an odd hour and make a scene. Its not funny. I can see someone (you definately know yourself, you the creator of the word homodrama) laughing, but this can REALLY happen, he's that type of person.


Ultimately I'm disappointed in myself, in that the fact i'm not strong enough to brave through all this. I think this was/is (i really hate admiting things) a rebound. I'm not going to bore you about how i wont do relationships/guys/whatever again because i just know something will happen, eventually. Look at this one. 




|I could be your consolation, if you be my saving grace------->ATB-my saving grace|



 

The city by the lake is a fun one

I finally went out of the city for some much needed fun over the weekend. The destination: kisumu city!

The main reason i went was because my aunt was celebrating her 50th birthday and my cousins were throwing her a party...a surprise party hihi... So off I went, by road, to westen Kenya. Getting there was fun! I got to see amazing scenery, even passed through the tea town of kenya, where i was born. The minute I got there I had to change and meet up with relatives at the venue. OH kisumu has amazing weather! It felt like warm daytime at night!

>>>to the venue>>>

Now, it was being held at a hotel ballroom/conference hall and wow, what a great job they did! And the people that were there... Lets just ay EYE CANDY!!! Now its a rare treat for me in nairobi when I see tall, dark, handsome jaluo or luhya men.. Ok short even. BUT DAAAAAAYUM this city had them all! It was abit hard not to stare at some... Ok ok fine... Ill stop painting pictures about them...
Back to the event, my aunt had no idea (which is a miracle considering that whole family is a prominent one there) it was happening, she thought it was a dinner for a club or something... hehe... The look on her face was priceless! Oh, mother dearest was there too! (Ill get to her later) let the dinner begin! It was also my uncles birthday! He sent for enough alcohol, red labels included (oh boy). After dinner thats where the fun REALLY started..

Mother dearest found out I drink, because I ordered an alcoholic punch...mmm.... She was like, "you're drinking alcohol???" and my aunt's like "he' 20!" and I'm like "im 20 years old!". My aunt rocks! :) I think my mum has had her suspicions confirmed. Then she's like "ok!" my uncles were beaming... Very funny table scene... My mum also said she's "going to have fun too!" which means.....
PARTY TIME!
My goodness everyone was on that dancefloor dancing to rhumba, lingala and ohangla and some other secular music... I refused to dance because I don't want people to start raising questions. About? "are you a man?" kind of questions... Besides my cousins were busy getting me plastered (i'm not one to turn down amarula on the rocks) and catching up with them...

By the way I was in official clothes.

Which got the attention of several ladies and i was soooo caught off guard! Panic! What do i do??? PANIC! That was in my head. I decided to play cool and say "sorry i'm seeing someone back home".. And they were quite pretty ladies too! People of westen kenya can be quite elegant. They seemed abit down but im like "y'all deserve a guy better than me". They were like "only the good ones say that..." which really made me smile (haija!). And its the truth! I have someone! Except its not a woman...

Midnight came and everyone, mother included? is as high as the clouds! What! I had like 8 doubles of rocky amarula (yummy!) which meant half the bottle went... My cousin had famous grouses (shudder) then he decided we're going out. Infact that was my mother's suggestion! (what!) so off to this joint called mon amie...

Where we me my cousins girlfriend and her friend. I met a former high school friend there, who was shocked I was in such company (why now? Tu es shaaaady). hmmm... Even my cousins fiiiiiine friend was there! Remember him? From June? That one! Also high. And his mates were good looking too! (lord that place was torture! Look but don't touch) That whole club was high! And the men were yummy....to look at. I love how some of them speak! Its very entertaining. More ladies came to hit on me. Which my cousins and i found amusing. Turned them ALL down! And they were very pretty, including my cousin's girlfriend's friend....
Whom I was told is bad news...
Yes she is! But I had fun anyway. She poisoned my double malibu!! With absolut! Yuck! And that, ladies and gentlemen is what got me a guaranteed high. I could still stand, see, walk and talk properly after the amarula and punches I had but that one now messed my system. Could walk though. We left at 4am to go help my cousin's friend get his ride out of a ditch.

Dear god, peugeot 504's are heavy.

That ordeal lasted an hour! 3 people that were my cousin, myself and a motorcyclist hoisted that car out of the ditch... Got back into the house at 5.30am! Oh by the way, my cousin knows im gay. He kinda figured it out. Especially after the argument that girl and i had in the car... she's a dyke and she don't know yet... LOL! Had cake and slept for 3 hours. I was up early, had slept on the couch. My uncles, aunts and mother were soooo hangover! Me included. That was the worst hangover of the year!!! My head hurt all day even with pain killers.. I got to see kisumu by day. Its a nice small city. The lake is very nice... Shame I didn't get to go to the beach. I had to come back home that day.

So I got home at 8pm yesterday. The driver of the car got us home in 7 hours, not bad considering we took a long route home and there was traffic. School didn't look like an amusing thought... I actually didn't go. Im ill! Blasted change in weather... I have a cold....

But that was fun! I'll go back in December!

But do I say...

|wisdom-delerium|

A wrinkled relationship ironed

So I met up with person y yesterday... It was.....very "enlightening" as he said.

So I pushed & pushed some more to meet at a place of my choice, halfway between our homes.. And it seemed like it was a battle of "who's going to have their way". I won. Its best to go to a neutral place when discussing serious issues. I dont go there, neither does he. Anyway we met (at bloody long last!) and sat.

I didn't even bother beating round the bush, I told him I'd get to the key points and he wont like it. Said he was prepared. Ok then, I started. I was very curious as to why he stood me up... He was caught up with things. Fine, I told him it upset me and that he ought to be more considerate. Then I started what became a small rant. He never attends or accompanies me to events I invite him to but expects me to go places with him all the time? There he said he's sorry and that he'll work on it (I hope he does). I also told him about the phone call issue. He said sorry.

I told him about using those 3 words all the time (you know them, those I love you phrases), I had to explain this to him, yes I feel strongly for him but not to the extent where I have to use those words. I just had to be honest with him on that one. Its still early in the relationship. Now, there he was shocked. Its like I told him someone died!

What a loud, awkward silence that followed.

Then the topic changed to my weekend trip that I might be going on. And then back to that subject. Oh boy. He loves me, he said it like 3 times. Im curious, how is it he loves me that deeply? I wonder what I did to deserve that from him. Im honoured but im worried. Then he said "whats the point/sense in loving someone who doesn't love you back?"

Shit i really didn't like where this was going... I told him that I had no intentions to leave him, I just didn't want to rush things... My feelings for him haven't changed since I met him. He seemed to calm down but I knew he was upset. Anyone would. Another awkward silence. So he's like he'll try and be a better person.. For some odd reason he thought i compared him to my exes. Well I did, the whole no show thing didn't jazz me..

So that being said we talked about other stuff like his crazy friends etc. Then we left, I had to go see T and fabulous m. I needed official pants to wear on Saturday night (to be explained later) and T offered to help... Do not ask me why I don't have official wear, I just dont.

The miraculous thing is the relationship is still intact. I thought he'd put up a fight or get upset and tell me to leave etc. But he didn't. Thank goodness! Now hopefully things will be better from here...

|lonely girl-ocean lab|

Treading lightly on broken eggshells.

When someone asks you, "how are you?", one would automatically reply "i'm fine thanks" or similar. But really, when you think about it, are you really?

That was me over the weekend, being asked such a question. "No i'm not okay". Small p and i had met up for coffee on saturday. I haven't said much about me since last week. Well, things aren't going very well between person y and i. Since that argument things have been different. I actually look at him in a different way now. Aside standing me up on Friday with a "no hard feelings" text, that came the next day mind you, he's had several issues with me of late. It's only been a month and a week (i am cursed with these one month whatevers which im trying to undo) and already he wants a deeply serious commitment.

I'm not ready for that! I feel things are rushing too quickly, i'm being swallowed up in this. I have strong feelings for him, yes, but it doesn't classify for it to be called "love" (i learned my lesson) nor does it mean that things must move so quickly.  I want to tell him in a very nice way when i see him later this week that things are moving too quickly, he has mood issues and that he needs to meet some of my expectations as well if i'm to be around. Call me cold readers, but i tell you it's a terrible thing when you claim to have a boyfriend and he's never there, or when you say you have issues with him. I have ME to be concerned about. He's never there with me for my activities like going to art galleries and concerts but when he wants to go somewhere he insists on my attendance...that needs to be sorted as well.
I know humans aren't perfect. I'm not perfect either. But for any relationship to work things need to be adressed and worked on from there. I'm sure he has lots to tell me as well (somehow i don't like how that date is going to be; intuition). 

I'm also going to ask for a week's break from each other. Yes i haven't seen him for over two weeks now because of this and that but i seriously need time to think about things, where things are headed and how things are going to work out.. It might seem a little over cautious, but i really want things to work out and for that to happen things need to be taken one step at a time. I like it when things are running smoothly.

Wish me luck...

A letter

Aren't you just tired of what the media has been talking about gays in Kenya? 
I sure am... 
The last piece i saw was a photo of one of those Kenyan newly-weds at home with smiles and he had a nightie on (i think its a nightie...it looks like a Nigerian guy's dress/Kanga/lord knows) and he was smiling! Why would they print personal photos like that? Why would they ridicule him? I also saw a story of the two who said they'd like to be left alone by the media. I dont blame them. First of all the Media went and home-wrecked their homes, printed nasty photos and published absolutely terrible stories about them. Here is a letter i just came up with, It's not much, but i felt i needed to write about it.


Dear biased Kenyan media houses publicizing negative stories about gay people,
YOU SUCK! 
First of all it was terribly unethical to air and print such biased stories on those two Kenyan gay men in Britain. Did you, the media ever wonder why they went abroad? They got tired of being oppressed both personally and financially. They went to seek greener pastures and they got it. They got freedom of expression and they found love in each other amongst many other things! Why would you, the media, destroy that for them? Is it because you didn't ave news to sell? Is it the fact you opress fellow gay journalists and make them write such? Is it the journalists themselvess who have a vendetta against gay people? WHAT? I'd really like to know. Very many people do.
Secondly, I used to support your cry for media freedom. I still do, but when you go all savage and behave like rabid geese it's difficult for me to do so. I ask you very nicely, PLEASE LEAVE MISTERS CHARLES NGEGI & DANIEL GICHIA ALONE!!!! They, like any other couple deserve privacy. SO please no more stories about them, you've done enough harm to us, and to them. 
Finally, Y'ALL ARE BLOODY HYPOCRITES!!! "should gay people be accepted in Kenya today?" you have jounalists who're gays as well. You employ them. You write about "being an equal rights employer in your job advertisements. Is criminalizing/demonizing/being negative about gay people being equal? really? No. It's not.
Shape up or shut up. 

cuppatea.

p.s it would be nice if you brought back Will and Grace.